Cary Grant: A Touch of Elegance

 

WARREN G. HARRIS

Edition read: Hardback, Doubleday, 1987.

How acquired: Bought.

First line: Even Cary Grant had to die sometime, but in Davenport, Iowa?

(Goodreads synopsis below.)

My thoughts: Cary Grant is my one true love. I discovered him when I was a teenager, just a few years before his death in 1986, after watching Bringing Up Baby for the first time, and I’ve been in love with him ever since.

I’ve not read a biography about him until now. I think I just didn’t want my image of him tarnished. I’ve read things over the years, magazine articles, mentions in biographies of other Hollywood stars, internet stories, and of course I was aware of his LSD therapy, the allegations of cruelty to his wives, claims of him being cold or distant on the set of his movies. But on a recent trip to Half Price Books I picked up three different books about him. I think at this point in my life I realize that he is untarnishable in my eyes. Nothing will change how I feel.*

The author touches on those stories in his biography, as well as the rumors of homosexuality. He reports the known facts, interspersed with quotes from people who knew Cary, but he never expresses an opinion or suggests whether or not there is truth to any of those claims. And yet what could have come across as dry reporting is told in an interesting, engaging, and always respectful manner.

After reading this I want to go back and rewatch a lot of Cary’s movies that I haven’t seen in awhile. And there are some movies that I’ve not yet seen as I’ve not yet found them, but hopefully someday.

*Well, I guess if I learned he murdered someone, or pulled some Harvey Weinstein shit, that might put me off, but I’m pretty confident in my devotion.

Synopsis from Goodreads:

Dashing, debonair, and above all, elegant – these words will always call to mind the incomparable Cary Grant. Yet, more than anyone else, Cary Grant himself recognized the discrepancy between the sophisticated romantic hero he portrayed on screen and the private man haunted by fear and self-doubt.

In the movies, he always got the girl – from Katharine Hepburn in The Philadelphia Story to Ingrid Bergman in Notorious and Grace Kelly in To Catch a Thief. But in real life, Cary Grant was unable to find happiness in love, and it wasn’t until his later years – and his fifth marriage – that he would at last meet the woman who would bring him peace and contentment.

His fans hailed him as the ultimate lady’s man, but he was also portrayed as a man’s man – outrunning a killer crop-duster in Alfred Hitchcock’s North by Northwest, or brandishing a sword as a nineteenth-century soldier in Gunga Din. Who would have known that beneath this confident exterior was a frightened little boy whose mother had been taken away to a mental institution when he was ten years old, and whose father lived a double life with his mistress and their illegitimate son? It was only after more than a hundred psychiatric LSD treatments that Cary Grant could confront the pain and hurt of his early years.

Now, in a sensitive and moving biography – the first since the star’s death – veteran writer Warren G. Harris explores the many faces of one of Hollywood’s most enigmatic and best-loved idols.

Dogtown: Tales of Rescue, Rehabilitation, and Redemption

 

STEFAN BECHTEL

Stats for my copy: Hardback, National Geographic, 2009

How acquired: Via Bookcrossing.com

First line: John Garcia is under attack.

(Goodreads synopsis below.)

My thoughts: I was not familiar with the TV show DogTown, not having cable and therefore not having the National Geographic channel, but of course the title of the book and the dog on the cover caught my eye. I follow so many rescue organizations on FB, and dogs are my spirit animal. So I was excited to dive into this book, and it did not disappoint.

Berendt

Each chapter is focused on one or two specific dogs, almost all of them having come to Dogtown from a bad situation – hoarding, puppy mills, even a couple of the Vicktory Dogs, as the pitties involved in Michael Vick’s dogfighting operation came to be called. But one dog’s story especially touched me. Knightly had lived his whole life in a safe loving home as part of the family, but his owners were elderly and eventually were unable to take care of themselves, much less Knightly. Long story short, Knightly found himself at Dogtown, where he was bewildered, anxious, and depressed. I could easily picture him, lost in his new world, and my heart just ached. I’m actually tearing up right now, just writing about him. My last dog experienced a similar situation, finding his way to me after his owner passed away. Unlike Knightly, he was unsocialized, having been around pretty much nobody but his one owner for six years. But like Knightly, he was bewildered and anxious. It took several weeks for me to gain his trust, for him to allow me to pet him, and thankfully I did break through his emotional barriers and win him over and I believe he was happy with me. Unfortunately, I only got four years with him, before he passed away. All this to say Knightly’s story struck a note with me.

But enough about me. I very much enjoyed this book, sad at times, but also uplifting and hopeful, and I truly admire the staff of Dogtown and their devotion to their charges.

Goodreads Synopsis: A national rescue organization with more than 200,000 members, DogTown is the area where dogs live at the nation’s largest companion animal sanctuary run by Best Friends Animal Society. This informative, inspiring book presents representative stories of dogs considered unadoptable by other shelters. They come from many backgrounds: some were abandoned; some prowled the streets as strays; others suffer from mysterious illnesses, serious injuries, or antisocial behaviors that discourage potential adopters. But good fortune led them to Best Friends and the dedicated people devoted to helping them recover and find welcoming homes.

These compelling, winningly illustrated true stories, each uniquely moving and inspirational, draw upon the experience of veterinarians, trainers, and volunteers to probe a range of tough, touching cases that evoke both the joy and the occasional but inevitable heartbreak that accompanies this work. Each chapter follows a dog from the first day at Dogtown until he ultimately finds (or doesn’t find) a permanent new home, focusing both on the relationship between the dog and the Dogtown staff and on the latest discoveries about animal health and behavior. We learn how dogs process information, how trauma affects their behavior, and how people can help them overcome their problems. In the end, we come to see that there are no "bad dogs" and that with patience, care, and compassion, people can help dogs to heal.

A Three Dog Life

 

ABIGAIL THOMAS

Stats for my copy: Trade paperback, Harcourt, Inc., 2007.

How acquired: Bought at a library sale.

First line: This is the one thing that stays the same: my husband got hurt.

(Goodreads synopsis below.)

My thoughts: I picked up this book because of the title, thinking it was going to be about the author's life with three dogs. And some of it was, but it was really about the author's life following an accident that left her husband with traumatic brain damage. And I loved it. It's heartbreaking, yet hopeful. It's incredibly interesting, and beautifully written. It is most definitely worth reading.

Goodreads Synopsis: When Abigail Thomas’s husband, Rich, was hit by a car, his brain shattered. Subject to rages, terrors, and hallucinations, he must live the rest of his life in an institution. He has no memory of what he did the hour, the day, the year before. This tragedy is the ground on which Abigail had to build a new life. How she built that life is a story of great courage and great change, of moving to a small country town, of a new family composed of three dogs, knitting, and friendship, of facing down guilt and discovering gratitude. It is also about her relationship with Rich, a man who lives in the eternal present, and the eerie poetry of his often uncanny perceptions. This wise, plainspoken, beautiful book enacts the truth Abigail discovered in the five years since the accident: You might not find meaning in disaster, but you might, with effort, make something useful of it.

John Wayne and the Movies

 

ALLEN EYLES

Stats for my copy: Hardcover, A. S. Barnes and Co., 1976.

How acquired: Bought at a garage sale.

First line: John Wayne has seen the American dream come true.

(Goodreads synopsis below.)

My thoughts: This is an interesting look at John Wayne’s movie career. The author basically gives a synopsis of each of his movies, in chronological order, along with a critical review. Some entries are short, while others are much more detailed. Actually, I don’t think every movie Wayne made is included, but there are 90 entries so quite a lot of movies! But there is a full detailed filmography in the back of the book. I was looking forward to the author’s take on Rooster Cogburn, and was disappointed to reach the end of the book, only to have the author mention, in the third to last paragraph, that at the time of this writing Wayne had made a sequel to True Grit that had not yet been released. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched any of Wayne’s movies, other than the wonderful Stagecoach which I saw a few weeks ago, and now I really want to revisit some of the ones I’ve seen, and find the ones I’ve missed, which is a lot of movies added to my want to watch list!

Synopsis from Goodreads: Here is a book for anyone who has ever fallen under the spell of Hollywood’s greatest star, a book that will enthrall all the fans of “the Duke” or “Big John” with its wealth of pictures, fact, and comment.

The author describes the evolution of Wane’s career from an extra in the silent period to star of the early sound Western, The Big Trail, through years of grinding out modest B Westerns to the enduring stardom that followed his portrayal of the Ringo Kid in Stagecoach. The development of Wayne’s screen image is brilliantly followed and tribute is paid to the actor’s very real acting accomplishments in such films as She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, Red River, The Quiet Man, and True Grit. Louise Brooks, famous star of the twenties, provides a short but memorable reminiscence of meeting Wayne in the thirties, and there is a chapter devoted to the star’s working relationship with other actors and directors.

This book also provides exhaustive detail about each of Wayne’s films with extended casts and much other invaluable, hard-to-find information, resulting in the first totally reliable guide to Wayne’s career, both as an actor and producer. And there is a lavish array of illustrations, carefully selected to provide contrast and including such rarities as a special frame enlargement of Wayne’s first known appearance as a film extra. In all, this book is a richly rewarding study of an outstanding subject.

Detour: My Journey From High-Powered Attorney to Auto Mechanic Trade School

DAVID W. ELLIS

Stats for my copy: pdf review copy; pub. 2020

How acquired: Archangel Ink marketing and the author

(For the Goodreads synopsis, scroll to the bottom of this post.)

My thoughts: A successful attorney who decides to shuck his law practice and go to school to study auto mechanics? Intriguing. I've worked for many attorneys over the past twenty-eight or so years. I currently work for and with attorneys on a daily basis. I can't imagine any of the attorneys I know or have known leaving their law practice to learn how to work on cars. I'm not a car enthusiast (not that I don't love my Kia, who I call Fiona). But the premise of the book sounded interesting enough to accept a review copy when it was offered to me.

And it was interesting. I learned more about cars than I ever thought I'd want to know. Oh, there were technical sections that went over my head or made my eyes glaze over, but more often I was a bit in awe at how much there is to the inner workings of the automobile. What a marvelous invention it was!

I especially liked the anecdotes about the instructors and some of the other students that were sprinkled throughout. The writing flows well enough and leans a little towards stream of consciousness, as if the author were chatting with you about his experiences. And along with all the car knowledge, the author reveals a lot about himself on a personal level. I'm just a few years younger than he, and I can't even imagine leaving my job and going back to school. I admire Mr. Ellis for his courage and his perseverance. And after reading the epilogue I admired him even more.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone considering enrolling in the Automotive Technology Program at Universal Technical Institute. The book would serve well as a primer for the school. Or for anyone interested in learning a little more about what's under the hood of their car.

Goodreads synopsis: David W. Ellis was a successful lawyer, but he was not happy. He wanted something else. In particular, he wanted to learn to work on cars. So in one big leap of faith, he quit his job and enrolled in technical school.

The other students, all of whom were decades younger than David, could tell he was different―he had money. This contrasted heavily with their own financial struggles as they studied to be auto techs. And yet, they couldn't anticipate the enthusiasm with which David pursued his passion for learning. David became a “bro” and found kindred spirits among the 18- and 19-year-olds who were his classmates.

David brings you along for the ride as he relentlessly pursues a year of technical school, sharing his experiences along the way.

Sleepers

LORENZO CARCATERRA

Stats for my copy: Trade paperback, Arrow Books, 1996.

How acquired: Via BookCrossing.

First line: I sat across the table from the man who had battered and tortured and brutalized me nearly thirty years ago.

(For the Goodreads synopsis, scroll to the bottom of this post.)

My thoughts: The kind of book where you don't really want to say you enjoyed it, given the subject matter and the fact that it's nonfiction (although I've read some dissenting views regarding that, but more on that later), but it was definitely captivating. And during the part of the book set at the Wilkinson School for Boys, a nice way of saying juvenile detention center or reform school, there were times when I felt anxious and dreaded the next few pages. I don't think a book has ever done that to me before.

We meet Lorenzo “Shakes” and his three best friends when they are all around 11-14 years old (if I'm remembering correctly). The author tells us how the four became fast friends while living in Hell's Kitchen, and takes us through a lot of their escapades, up until the fateful practical joke that lands a passerby in the hospital. Up until then it's almost a warm amusing memoir of schoolboy antics. But it definitely takes a very dark turn when the four boys are sent to Wilkinson. From there we follow the boys as they are abused by the guards, physically, emotionally and sexually. Those are some of the scenes that gutted me, and were hard to read at times.

Once the boys are released, we jump into the future, and follow the boys, now men, as two of them kill one of the former guards, and the other two devise an elaborate plan to tilt the trial in their favor and convince a jury to find the killers not guilty. I understand the deep friendship that led to this, but considering the two who killed the guards have killed others before that, and probably went on to kill others after that...well, it's a shaky moral line to be straddling.

Usually after I read a book that's also a movie, I like to watch the movie. This one, I'm not so sure I want to see these events played out in front of me. Although, Brad Pitt and Jeffrey Donovan! 

Shakes grows up to become a journalist, and his writing is superb, with the words flowing across the page. He has quite a few other books in his backlist, fiction and nonfiction, and I plan to keep an eye out for them.

After the book's release, there was a lot of debate about whether or not it was in fact a true story, with naysayers claiming there was no record of any court case/trial like the one in the book. True or not, the book is worth reading. You can find a New York Times article here.

Goodreads synopsis: Sleeper (colloq.): 1. out-of-town hit man who spends the night after a local contract is completed. 2. A juvenile sentenced to serve any period longer than nine months in a state-managed facility.

This is the story of four young boys. Four lifelong friends. Intelligent, fun-loving, wise beyond their years, they are inseparable. Their potential is unlimited, but they are content to live within the closed world of New York City's Hell's Kitchen. And to play as many pranks as they can on the denizens of the street. They never get caught. And they know they never will. Until one disastrous summer afternoon. On that day, what begins as a harmless scheme goes horribly wrong. And the four find themselves facing a year's imprisonment in the Wilkinson Home for Boys. The oldest of them is fifteen, the youngest twelve. What happens to them over the course of that year -- brutal beatings, unimaginable humiliation -- will change their lives forever. Years later, one becomes a lawyer. One a reporter. And two have grown up to be murderers, professional hit men. For all of them, the pain and fear of Wilkinson still rages within. Only one thing can erase it. Revenge. To exact it, they will twist the legal system. Commandeer the courtroom for their agenda. Use the wiles they observed on the streets, the violence they learned at Wilkinson. If they get caught this time, they only have one thing left to lose: their lives.

SLEEPERS is the extraordinary true story of four men who take the law into their own hands. It is a searing portrait of a system gone awry and of the people -- some innocent, some not so innocent -- who must suffer the consequences. At the heart of SLEEPERS is a sensational murder trial that ultimately gives devastating, yet exhilarating, proof of street justice and truly defines the meaning of loyalty and love between friends. Told with great humor and compassion, even at its most harrowing, SLEEPERS is an unforgettable reading experience. 

Accidental Activist: Justice for the Groveland Four

JOSH VENKATARAMAN AND BARBARA VENKATARAMAN

Stats for my copy: PDF, 2019.

How acquired: Gifted to me by Barbara Venkataraman

(For the Goodreads synopsis, scroll to the bottom of this post.)

My thoughts:  I had never heard of the Groveland Four until this book. Of course, I don't live in Florida or even very near Florida, so maybe that isn't too surprising. Actually, there are a lot of things I've never heard of, especially since I cut the cable cord and no longer have CNN. But that's not really relevant here.

The Groveland Four were four young black men falsely accused of rape by a white girl in 1949. Two were convicted and imprisoned, two were murdered before they could be convicted – one by a lynch mob, one by a crooked sheriff. After reading “Devil in the Grove: Thurgood Marshall, the Groveland Boys, and the Dawn of a New America”, by Gilbert King, for a class, Josh Venkataraman was inspired to step up and try to help seek justice for the Groveland Four and their families. After reading his book, I admire Josh very much!

The book is only about 80 pages long (at least the PDF version I read anyway), but covers a lot of ground. Josh takes us step by step through the ever changing process of setting up a petition, getting signatures, gaining support, all in hopes of clearing the names of the four boys and providing their families with some peace of mind. Along the way he inspired others to join the fight. This was an interesting read, and while justice eventually prevails, it still saddens me that this incident in Florida's history happened in the first place. And unfortunately I'm sure there were similar incidents happening all around the country, where justice did not and never will prevail.

The writing flows easily, and I loved the friendship that developed between Josh and Carol, the daughter of one of the four. She was just a baby when her sixteen-year-old father was incarcerated, though she didn't find out what actually happened until much later in life. But how horrible to have to grow up with your father taken away, and then learning he never should have been taken away in the first place.

An inspiring and ultimately heartwarming account of what can be accomplished with a lot of hard work and perseverance.

Goodreads synopsis: This book will take you through my incredible four year quest for justice for The Groveland Four and teach you how to pursue your own causes, whatever they may be. It is a primer for positive action, a journey through Florida's past as well as its future. Some of the things you will learn: everything takes more time than you think, nothing ever goes according to plan, help can come from unexpected places, time is on your side, everyone is connected to everyone else, you can reach your tipping point for success and not even realize it, your goals can change along the way, and flexibility is key. Let's get started, shall we?

***Proceeds from the sale of this book will be used to establish "The Charles Greenlee Memorial Scholarship" to benefit a child with an incarcerated parent. 

Precious Cargo: My Year Driving the Kids on School Bus 3077

CRAIG DAVIDSON

Stats for my copy: Trade paperback, Knopf Canada, 2016.

How acquired: Via Bookcrossing.

First line: I trudged across a field against a late-September wind that flattened my jacket against my chest.

My thoughts: Broke after some early success as a writer, Craig Davidson was desperate for any job that could provide some income. He had just applied for, and not gotten, a Lunch Supervisor position, when he found a flyer for bus drivers wanted. He called, and wound up driving a “short bus” with six special needs children.

I was a bit astounded at how easily he was hired to drive a school bus. I guess I just assumed that the drivers who pilot our kids around go through a rigorous screening process first. Of course, this is in Canada, and I live in the States (and in the interest of full disclosure, my kids only rode a bus for a few days of one semester and hated it so much I drove them after that), but maybe it's also that easy here.

It took me a little bit to get into the book. I guess I just wasn't that interested in the author's life before he began driving the bus. And at first the occasional excerpts from the “unpublished novel” irritated me and seemed pointless. But once Craig started his training it began to pick up for me, and as time went by the excerpts began to make more sense story wise.

And once the actual driving begins and Craig meets his charges, I was pretty riveted. I won't go into detail about each child and the challenges they faced, but his descriptions of them were vivid and thoughtful. As he gets to know the kids better, driving the bus becomes more than a job and his relationship with them becomes more than just being their bus driver. So it kind of puzzled me that when the school year ended, he just quit being a bus driver, and never really said why or what he was moving on to. Though I guess it started out as just a means to an end, to generate some income so he could afford to continue writing.

Regardless, this little peek into the lives of five extraordinary kids and their bus driver is heartwarming and feel good.

Goodreads synopsis: With his last novel, Cataract City, Craig Davidson established himself as one of our most talented novelists. But in his early thirties, before writing that novel and before his previous work, Rust and Bone, was made into an Oscar-nominated film, Davidson experienced a period of poverty, apparent failure and despair. In this new work of intimate, riveting and timely non-fiction, based loosely on a National Magazine Award-winning article he published in The Walrus, Davidson tells the story of one year in his life--a year during which he came to a new, mature understanding of his own life and his connection to others. Or, as Davidson would say, he became an adult.    
                                                                    
One morning in 2008, desperate and impoverished and living in a one-room basement apartment while trying unsuccessfully to write, Davidson plucked a flyer out of his mailbox that read, "Bus Drivers Wanted." That was the first step towards an unlikely new career: driving a school bus full of special-needs kids for a year. Armed only with a sense of humour akin to that of his charges, a creative approach to the challenge of driving a large, awkward vehicle while corralling a rowdy gang of kids, and surprising but unsentimental reserves of empathy, Davidson takes us along for the ride. He shows us how his evolving relationship with the kids on that bus, each of them struggling physically as well as emotionally and socially, slowly but surely changed his life along with the lives of the "precious cargo" in his care. This is the extraordinary story of that year and those relationships. It is also a moving, important and universal story about how we see and treat people with special needs in our society. 

A Dog Year: Twelve Months, Four Dogs, and Me

JON KATZ

Goodreads synopsis: In his popular and widely praised Running to the Mountain, Jon Katz wrote of the strength and support he found in the massive forms of his two yellow Labrador retrievers, Julius and Stanley. When the Labs were six and seven, a breeder who’d read his book contacted Katz to say she had a dog that was meant for him—a two-year-old border collie named Devon, well bred but high-strung and homeless. Katz already had a full canine complement—but, as he writes, “Change loves me. . . . It comes in all forms. . . . Sometimes, change comes on four legs.” Shortly thereafter he brought Devon home. A Dog Year shows how a man discovered much about himself through one dog (and then another), whose temperament seemed as different from his own as day from night. It is a story of trust and understanding, of life and death, of continuity and change. It is by turns insightful, hilarious, and deeply moving.

Stats for my copy: Trade paperback, Random House Trade Paperbacks, 2003.

How acquired: Bought.

My thoughts: I've never had a Border Collie, but I've heard stories and heard that they are very energetic and high maintenance. I really enjoyed this book for the most part.

But. I love dogs. I am a dog lover. I want all the dogs. I would love to foster dogs, but my resident dog lived in a backyard for six years and was completely unsocialized when I adopted him, and since I do have to work outside the home full time, I don't feel I'm in a position to be a good foster home. While the author loves his dogs, I didn't get the sense that he is a dog lover. For one, his labs came from a breeder. I will never buy a dog from a breeder. I wish breeders no longer existed. There are so many millions of dogs in shelters, living on the streets, or being euthanized because nobody wants them, that it seems unethical to me for dogs to purposely be bred. And yes, I realize that there are so many children in foster care that need to adopted that maybe I shouldn't have bred my own. But dogs are my passion so I don't care how unreasonable it is, that's how I feel.

Then there was this passage:

For the noblest of reasons, it had also become popular – and immensely rewarding – to go to the local pound and bring home stray and abandoned animals. Many were lovely, companionable dogs, but some were mixed breeds unsuitable for suburban families, tense and unpredictable around other animals, kids, even their owners. This can also be true of purebred dogs, some of whom suffer from overbreeding and don't live up to their TV commercial images.

I don't know why that paragraph rubs me the wrong way. It's an innocuous three sentences. There's truth in them. Maybe it's the phrase “become popular”, as if he's dismissing adopting shelter dogs as being beneath him, or being a fad. And of course, as I got further into the book, his descriptions of Devon certainly prove “This can also be true of purebred dogs”.

I did love this quote though:

Dogs live on a scale that I can comprehend; their lives are an outcome I can affect. They make me happy, satisfy me deeply, anchor me in an elemental way. Sometimes it's hard for me to trust people, or to find people I can come to trust. I trust my dogs, though. They would do anything for me, and I for them.”

When one of the author's labs begins ailing and is euthanized, I cried. It's a hard decision, and it's one I've had to make myself, more than once. It's been two years since I lost my dog Max to cancer, but sometimes the grief is still fresh, as if it just happened last month.

But other than the occasional wince or incredulous “did this guy know nothing about dogs” reaction to some of the things he did (throwing a choke chain on the ground next to the dog to get his attention or correct his behavior? Seriously?), I loved the stories about Devon himself, about his personality. I could read about that kind of stuff all day long. 

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail

CHERYL STRAYED

Goodreads synopsis: At twenty-two, Cheryl Strayed thought she had lost everything. In the wake of her mother’s death, her family scattered and her own marriage was soon destroyed. Four years later, with nothing more to lose, she made the most impulsive decision of her life. With no experience or training, driven only by blind will, she would hike more than a thousand miles of the Pacific Crest Trail from the Mojave Desert through California and Oregon to Washington State — and she would do it alone. Told with suspense and style, sparkling with warmth and humor, Wild powerfully captures the terrors and pleasures of one young woman forging ahead against all odds on a journey that maddened, strengthened, and ultimately healed her.

Stats for my copy: Trade paperback, Vintage Books, 2013.

How acquired: Via BookCrossing.

First line: The trees were tall, but I was taller, standing above them on a steep mountain slope in northern California.

My thoughts: I've been sitting at my computer for five minutes and can't seem to come up with anything more eloquent than wow, what a fantastic book. I can't even begin to imagine doing what Cheryl did. I doubt I would last a full day on the trail before giving up and packing it in. But it's not just her first time hiking adventure that was fascinating. The peeks at her childhood and how she grew up were just as fascinating. Raw, honest, emotional, with no sugarcoating her faults and the bad choices she made. Completely riveting and engrossing.

I thought I had seen the movie, and was a little confused and taken aback at the beginning, with all the stuff about her mother's cancer. Then when I saw the title of chapter 5, “Tracks”, I realized that the movie I watched was called Tracks, which was also from a book, by Robyn Davidson, and which I very much want to read now. 

Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body

ROXANE GAY

Synopsis from Goodreads: From the bestselling author of Bad Feminist: a searingly honest memoir of food, weight, self-image, and learning how to feed your hunger while taking care of yourself.

“I ate and ate and ate in the hopes that if I made myself big, my body would be safe. I buried the girl I was because she ran into all kinds of trouble. I tried to erase every memory of her, but she is still there, somewhere. . . . I was trapped in my body, one that I barely recognized or understood, but at least I was safe.”

In her phenomenally popular essays and long-running Tumblr blog, Roxane Gay has written with intimacy and sensitivity about food and body, using her own emotional and psychological struggles as a means of exploring our shared anxieties over pleasure, consumption, appearance, and health. As a woman who describes her own body as “wildly undisciplined,” Roxane understands the tension between desire and denial, between self-comfort and self-care. In Hunger, she explores her own past—including the devastating act of violence that acted as a turning point in her young life—and brings readers along on her journey to understand and ultimately save herself.

With the bracing candor, vulnerability, and power that have made her one of the most admired writers of her generation, Roxane explores what it means to learn to take care of yourself: how to feed your hungers for delicious and satisfying food, a smaller and safer body, and a body that can love and be loved—in a time when the bigger you are, the smaller your world becomes.

Stats for my copy: Trade paperback, HarperCollins, 2017.

How acquired: Via BookCrossing.

First line: Every body has a story and a history.

My thoughts: In the beginning I found the writing a little repetitive and...youngish? I don't want to say juvenile, so maybe just short of being juvenile...the first few chapters. And then after her account of the rape, it hit me that those first few chapters were almost hesitant, as if the author wanted to tell us about it but it was a hard thing to talk about and so she needed to work up to it. And after that it didn't feel so repetitive or short-of-being-juvenile. It was just very real. I can't even imagine the courage it took to write this book.

I am about thirty pounds overweight. And I will admit that sometimes when I see a very large or obese person, I think to myself, how did they let themselves get to that point? But underneath that, what I'm thinking is I hope I don't ever get to that point, and I'm constantly reminding myself that I need to exercise more and eat better, and then I don't. I just hope when I've looked at a very large or obese person, my look hasn't actually made them feel like I was judging them.

A powerful and moving book, and a good example of how cruel people can be to others who don't fit their definition of perfect.